Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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