what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
