I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
