It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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