i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
