Your face is a jimmy john
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
