I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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