Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he puts the penis in happiness.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
