Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
