trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
