well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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