fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
look no pants
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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