I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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