walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
