so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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