Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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