she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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