My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
