I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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