id be glad to
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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