good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
