another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
