I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
