is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
