I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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