Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
