she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize