About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
