Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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