forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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