So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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