I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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