if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
