sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
