I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Two words: nipple clamps
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