He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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