Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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