I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
