i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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