i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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