Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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