i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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