Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
