Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
