Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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