Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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