Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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