Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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