i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
