He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sober January is a disaster.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize