1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
