Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
