Got a toothbrush?
you didnt know i had herpes?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
