Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
