and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize