I'm going to jail i love you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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