i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
