She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
