His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
