bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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