he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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