Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
