woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize