so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
