So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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