I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
