apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
