dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
