I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize