some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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