How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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