your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
