Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize