I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
