this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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