sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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