So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize