we made out on top of his cat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
