I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
