Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
