Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
