maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
