Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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