every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
