I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
