You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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