I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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