I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
