I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize