69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize