Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
