What a fucking waste of an outfit
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
