this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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