Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
