They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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