And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize