i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
