if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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