Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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