marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize