I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have already put on my inside pants.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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