If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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