the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
