Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize