Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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