i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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